Some of you have noticed that I need a haircut. Jaysus I need a haircut. It’s come to the stage where I have to break my self imposed hair-talk Verbot.
I’ve been needing a haircut for a long time now, the last cropping coming in July, but I’d been so discouraged by coming out of hairdressers as ridiculous-looking as when I went in, that I’d just given up. If I’m going to look ridiculous no matter what I do, then I may as well save the money and look ridiculous for free.
But now I can’t see where I’m going anymore. Nor can I even see how ridiculous I look. I can hear people sniggering as I walk by, and passersby have taken to throwing of coins at my feet. They obviously think I’m a freak!
Maybe I am. One unforeseen consequence of having my hair come over my eyes is the startling discovery that my nostrils are different shapes. In order to see anything at all when I look in the mirror I have to tilt my head back and look forward down my nose, thus revealing their shocking asymmetry. I’m like your man, Nostrildamus.
Why would anyone have nostrils of different shapes?! For different smells? One or the other would be fine – they’re both perfectly acceptable nostril shapes in their own right – but two different shaped nostrils is simply wrong. Everyone nose that.
So the time has come. Only one man can save me now, if even he can. I’m going back to the hairdresser on Friday, exactly six months to the day since I had a last cut. That’s Friday the 13th. What could possibly go wrong?